


Survivor

by Simply_Layla



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Assault, Underage Prostitution, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-09-26 11:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20388790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simply_Layla/pseuds/Simply_Layla
Summary: Clay remembers not breathing from the moment Justin stood up in the assembly until he finished talking, but the words didn’t register to him. His eyes saw that Justin was standing, and his ears heard Justin’s voice. But his brain couldn’t connect the words he had heard with his brother.Or the extremely important missing scene from Season 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was honestly so surprised that they didn't give us a scene with Clay confronting Justin about his confession in the assembly. It felt very OOC to me, because that's not something I felt Clay could have just ignored. So I wrote it myself. I hope you like it.
> 
> unbeated; all mistakes are mine.

“My name is Justin Foley……and I’m a survivor.”

Clay remembers not breathing from the moment Justin stood up in the assembly until he finished talking, but the words didn’t register to him. His eyes saw that Justin was standing, and his ears heard Justin’s voice. But his brain couldn’t connect the words he had heard with his brother. 

“My name is Justin Foley……and I’m a survivor.”

After the assembly ended and everyone was gathering around to show their support for the people who spoke up, the words replayed in Clay’s head. But Justin couldn’t have said them. He must have missed something. He quickly pushed the thoughts aside as he went to hug Tyler and tell him how proud he was of him for telling his truth. The same truth Justin had just told. But not Justin. 

“My name is Justin Foley……and I’m a survivor.”

He vaguely heard Jess ask Justin if it was true and Justin confirm it. But before he had a chance to process that, the police were there. Arresting him and dragging him away in front of all of his friends and his brother. His brother who had been attacked. 

The next couple of days were a bit of a whirlwind between being interrogated and orchestrating the cover up for Alex and Jess. After they had listened to Bryce’s tape and all of their friends had left, the words ran through his head again and again. And it finally hit him. At some point, Justin had been hurt. Maybe right under Clay’s nose. Because apparently Clay was never going to be able to protect anyone he loved. And Clay hadn’t even bothered to see if he was ok. Clay was the worst brother in the world. He looked over at Justin’s side of the room and saw him getting ready for bed. 

“Justin,” he murmured barely above a whisper. Justin must not have heard him, because he didn’t look over at him. He cleared his throat and repeated his name louder. It got the other boy’s attention

“What’s up, man?” Justin asked while shooting Clay one of his sad-eyed smiles he was so good at. Clay took a deep breath. 

“About what you said in the assembly the other day,” he started, and Justin instantly tensed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. “

“Don’t worry about it, man. You’ve had a lot of shit to deal with.” Justin tried to cover the wobbling of his chin with small laugh and turned back to getting ready for bed. Clay got up off of his own bed and made his way over to Justin’s side of the room before slowly sitting next to Justin on his bed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clay asked quietly. Justin went still for a minute and then let out a deep breath. 

“Yeah, I do. Is that ok?” Justin looked over to the older boy with unshed tears in his eyes. 

“Of course, Justin. Whatever you want to tell me, I’ll listen. You know I’ve got your back.” Justin nodded a few times before rubbing his hand over the bottom half of his face and taking another deep breath. 

And then he told Clay everything. About him being five years old and having his mother’s boyfriend, Rick, come into his room every night to touch him or make Justin touch him. How the man put his fingers in Justin’s mouth and jerked off on him. How he didn’t know what he had done to make Rick do what he was doing, but he knew it was is fault somehow. How it continued to happen whenever his mom and Rick got back together for the next four years. How as he got older, it got worse. How one day, it wasn’t just Rick’s fingers that were shoved in his mouth; it as something else. How soon after that started, it escalated to the man lying on top of him and covering his mouth with his hand while he told Justin he was going to kill his mom if he didn’t shut the fuck up and stop crying like a pussy. How he finally got the courage to tell his mom about it when he was nine, and Rick never came back, but the only words of comfort his mom had for him were “This isn’t the life I wanted for you, baby, but shit happens.” How she never mentioned it again. 

He told Clay about him being on the streets and running out of money. About being so fucking hungry after not eating for three days and only hesitating for a few minutes when a man came up to him, told him he was pretty and offered him $20 to suck his dick. How he didn’t think it was a big deal, because it’s not like it wasn’t something he hadn’t done before. How the sandwich he bought after it was over was the best thing he had ever tasted. How he decided that if he had to suck a few creepy dude’s dicks in order to eat, it wasn’t the end of the world. How it didn’t matter that every time he got on his knees in a dirty alleyway, he felt like he was five years old again. 

He told Clay about the first John who had shoved him against a brick wall, pulled down his pants and took more than Justin had agreed to give. How he cried after the man had let him fall to the ground and thrown 100 bucks at him before walking away. How it happened on several different occasions with different men before he decided he might as well start offering it up front so at least he was ready for it and could negotiate the price. 

He told Clay about how he lasted a month and a half on the streets before he turned to heroin to cope with what he had been doing to keep himself alive. And when he had ran out of things to tell Clay, he broke down into heart wrenching sobs that he had been holding in for way too long. He let himself breakdown in a way he could have never done in front of Jess. She didn’t deserve to have to deal with his shit. 

“I am so sorry that all happened to you, Justin,” Clay whispered through tears as he reached over and pulled the younger boy into a bone-crushing hug. He rocked Justin back and forth as his sobs slowed down. 

“Do you think…do you think that Rick knew what I was going to become, and that’s why he did it?” Justin whispered brokenly. Clay pushed him away from him slightly and gripped the side of his face with one hand. 

“Justin, you were five years old, and he was a grown ass man. What he did to you was not your fault. And what happened to you on the streets was not your fault either. No one ever has a right to take that from you without your permission.” Justin let out a broken, bitter laugh. 

“I was a fucking whore, Clay. Like an actual fucking whore.” Justin pulled back a little and wiped his eyes before looking down at the bedspread. 

“You were doing what you had to do to survive. That doesn’t give anyone the fucking right to rape you. It was not your fault. Do you believe me?” Justin shifted his eyes back up to Clay, and Clay’s heart broke at the mix of sadness, anger and pain he saw in them. All of which he had somehow missed the whole time he had been sharing a room with Justin.

“No, I don’t think I can, but thank you for saying it,” Justin whispered and tried his best to give Clay a small smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice how much you were hurting,” Clay said softly. Justin shook his quickly and shot Clay what Jess dubbed his “Puppy Eyes”.

“Dude, stop. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I wasn’t ready to talk about it. But seeing all those people standing up and telling everyone what happened to them made me realize that I needed to finally talk about it. Because I’m never going to get clean if I can’t work through this shit.” Justin rubbed his hand over his face again. 

“Do you want to tell our parents? You definitely don’t have to, but do you think that will help?” Clay tried to convey with his eyes that it was ok for Justin say no. Justin took a deep breath. 

“Yeah, I want to tell them. And I want to tell them about me not being clean too. But not yet. I need a little bit before I can say it all out loud again. Is that ok?” Justin gave him a hesitant look, and Clay immediately pulled him back into another hug. 

“That’s fine, Justin. Whenever you’re ready. I’ll be there with you when you tell them if you want me to. Whatever you need, ok?” Justin wrapped his arms tighter around him.

“Ok, thank you.” Clay cleared his throat through the tears that were threatening to spill again

“Don’t thank me. Not for this. I love you, man.” Clay felt his shoulder getting wet again with tears. 

“I love you, too.”

After Justin cried himself into exhaustion, Clay laid in bed that night thinking of a little boy crying for help in a house full of adults who did nothing but let him down and a sixteen year old huddled in alleyways selling his body to keep himself safe.

They left it at that for the next few days. Clay made sure to check up on Justin more often to make sure he was doing ok, and Justin started talking to Clay more when his mind got too loud thinking about everything that had happened to him. Justin doesn’t know why he chose Thanksgiving dinner as the time to let Matt and Lainie know that he was still doing drugs, but it kind of came out without his permission. It felt wrong to sit there and say he was grateful to have a family if he was still taking their generosity for granted by lying to them. He could tell they were upset, but Lainie promised to get him the help he needed and Matt suggested they have a family meeting after Caleb and Tony had left.

“Clay, why don’t you go to your room?” Matt said as he put the last of the dishes away. Lainie was already sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. Clay shot Justin a look asking if he wanted him to go or not. Justin rung his hands together and cleared his throat.

“Is it ok if he stays? I need him to be here,” Justin said quietly. Matt and Lainie shared a look. 

“Sure, honey,” Lainie said with a tight smile. “Go ahead and sit down boys.” Once they were all sitting, Lainie started right into talking about all the different programs there were for him. Ones that would allow him to stay at home and still go to school. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were still using, Justin?” Matt cut off Lainie mid-sentence. His voice wasn’t angry like Justin was expecting it to be. It was soft and almost sad. It made Justin feel worse. He looked down at his lap and twisted his hands together. Clay reached over and gently grabbed his forearm in a sign of support. 

“I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to go through with the adoption if you knew. I was afraid you’d make me leave,” Justin said softly without looking up at either of them.

“Oh, honey,” Lainie said, “We would never do that. We love you, Justin.”

“Yeah, buddy, you’re part of this family now,” Matt added. Justin looked up at the two of them and saw the sincerity in their eyes. Something he was not used to seeing from the adults in his life. He gave them a small smile before looking at Clay, who nodded at him in reassurance and give his arm another squeeze. 

“I was also afraid that I would have to tell you the main reason why I started using in the first place, and I wasn’t ready to talk about that. But I am now.”

Clay reached down and held his brother’s hand as he told their parents everything. 

“My name is Justin Foley……and I’m a survivor.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a more in depth telling of the assaults Justin suffered. Please be aware if that is triggering for you. I'm not sure if this chapter worked out exactly how I wanted it to, but I hope you all like it. 
> 
> Mistakes are mine.

As a lawyer and a habitual over thinker, Lainie could honestly say there have been very few times in her life where she has genuinely been blindsided and that most of those times had been in the last year. It was her job to think on her feet when necessary and to do so without letting emotion take over. Matt had always taken a more “roll with the punches” approach to parenting, but not Lainie. When Clay was growing up, she had wanted to be prepared for any adolescent peril possible. So she had researched. What to do if your child was being bullied. What to do if your child was a bully. What to do when your child started having sex. What to do if you found out your child was doing drugs. And so on. It had worked for her. It had helped her have a better control on the chaos that was parenting. Until last fall. She had never researched what to do when the girl your child was in love with killed herself, left behind recordings blaming a dozen other children for her death, and accused the most popular boy in school of rape. She never researched what to do if said rapist was murdered and your child was a suspect. Not a suspect; the suspect. Parenting books tend to gloss over that sort of thing. 

When she and Matt had decided to adopt Justin, she started researching new things. How to help abused children. How to be new parents to a teenager. How to help an addict when they relapse. Which programs were best for helping them get clean while still allowing them to finish their education. She was prepared. When the boys sat down at the table, she had already mapped out the conversation. She had worked on her opening statement during dinner. She had pamphlets for Justin to look through about the different programs she had found. She had Matt at her side to slow her down when she got too intense. She was prepared. 

“I was also afraid that I would have to tell you the main reason why I started using in the first place, and I wasn’t ready to talk about that. But I am now.” And then Justin had said that. Justin looked down at the table, squeezed his eyes shut and took a few deep breathes. Clay reached under the table and grabbed his hand. Matt sat up a little straighter and put his “trustworthy father” face on that he denied was a thing every time Lainie teased him about it. Lainie took a moment to recollect herself. She didn’t account for having to go off book. It was quiet for a moment longer. 

“Justin, we’re here to listen to and help you with whatever, but you don’t have to tell us anything you’re not ready for. We can still get you help. It’s ok if you’re still not ready,” Matt said gently. He was always better at letting the kids come to him in their own time. Maybe it was the teacher in him. Justin shared a look with Clay before shaking his head and looking back up at them. 

“No, no I’m ready. It’s just hard for me. I’ve only ever talked about it a couple of times, but like I need you guys to know. I don’t think I can get better if I don’t talk about it.” He looked close to tears already, and Lainie tried to prepare herself for the conversation ahead of her. She thought she had an idea of where it was going. The guilt over what happened to Jessica Davis. The abuse he suffered from his mother’s boyfriend. The extreme neglect he suffered from his mother. The reality of being a teenager living on the streets. They all seemed like plausible reasons for a boy to turn to drugs. 

“We’re here for you, honey. Whatever you say, we’re here for you,” Lainie gave him a smile that she hoped was reassuring. He gave her a small smile in return, and then cleared his throat. 

“You guys have, um, seen my file, right? The one that the social worker has?” Both she and Matt nodded. They had been given it when they started the adoption process. It had dozens of reports going back to when Justin had first started kindergarten. A teacher called because the boy hadn’t had lunch or lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Another because his arms were covered in bruises. Because he hadn’t bathed in a week. Because the marks on his neck looked suspiciously like handprints. They were all noted, minimally followed up on, and then forgotten about until the next call came in. She and Matt had held each other while they cried after they looked through it for the first time. 

“Then you know that my mom wasn’t really the best mom. I think-I think she did the best she knew how to do. But she forgot a lot of things. Like to buy food or pay the utility bills. She also had a lot of boyfriends while I was growing up who weren’t very nice to me.” Lainie didn’t think that Amber Foley had done her best. She thought the woman was a disgrace, but she gave Justin a reassuring nod when he cast pleading eyes at her. Justin briefly looked back at Clay and cleared his throat again. 

“When I was five, she started dating this one guy, Rick. He was nice to me at first. Nicer than any of her boyfriends had ever been. He bought me toys, and I had never really had toys before. I thought he was the best. I remember asking my mom if he could be my dad,” Justin let out a painful laugh and rubbed at the tears that were starting to fill his eyes. It felt like a rock was forming in Lainie’s stomach. She looked over, and Matt was gripping the arms of his chair. His “trustworthy father” face hadn’t wavered, but his knuckles were white. 

“And then one night, he got in bed with me after my mom had passed out. And he touched me. And he made me touch him. And he was h-hard. He told me not to tell anyone. That, uh, that it was our secret, and secrets are only f-fun if you keep them. I remember feeling wrong and that my skin was too tight, but I didn’t understand why.” Justin paused to rub the tears out of his eyes again. Laine could feel the tears running down her own face. The rock in her stomach was getting bigger. She reached over and pried one of Matt’s hands off the chair to grip it. 

“Justin, bud-“ Matt started, but Justin quickly cut him off. 

“No, I need to finish this. Is that ok? Can we talk when I finish?” He was begging them with his eyes that somehow always managed to look sad.

“Of course, honey. Go on.” She said hoarsely. He nodded a few times and rubbed his hand over the bottom half of his face. A nervous tick Lainie had noticed months ago. 

“He’d do it every night that my mom passed out before him. But my mom never kept boyfriends long. He left after about two months. He kept coming back though. He’d be gone for three or four months and come back for two or three. Every time he was back, he’d start coming into my room again. And it got w-worse every time. When I was nine, I was at school one day and the older boys at the table next to me were talking about sex. I guess I knew what sex was. I always overheard my mom and her boyfriends. But I had never really heard anyone talk about it before. And things kind of clicked for me. The next day before I left for school, I told my mom that I thought Rick was h-having sex with me. She froze and didn’t say anything to me, so I went to school. When I got home, all of Rick’s stuff was gone, and my mom was high. Higher than I’d ever seen her. I asked if he was coming back, and she said no. Then she basically told me that s-shit happens, and we never spoke about it again.”

Justin paused to take a few shaky breaths, and Clay leaned closer to him to mumble “You’re doing great” in his ear. Matt was clutching her hand so tight, she felt bones grinding. She wanted to look at him to see how he was fairing, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sadness on Justin’s face. Lainie wasn’t a violent woman. She had always found words and facts to be the ultimate defense, but if they ever do find Amber Foley, Lainie wasn’t sure she would be able to refrain from punching the woman in the face. 

“Um, after that – after that, I tried to forget about it. I buried it down and tried to pretend like it was something that happened to somebody else. I was friends with Bryce by then, and I started making it a point to try to be at his house as much as possible when my mom’s boyfriends were over. When I was eleven, Bryce and I smoked weed for the first time, and that made it easier to not think about it. So I smoked a lot of weed, and I locked Rick away in this little box in my head. Then Jess’ party happened. I’m not – please don’t think – I’m not trying to make excuses for what I did. There is no excuse. It’s just, when I saw Bryce standing over her passed out on the bed, it was like I wasn’t in the room anymore. I was in my bed, and Rick was standing over me and he was about to h-hurt me again. I just, I froze. When Bryce pushed me out of the room and locked the door, I couldn’t make myself go back in there. My skin was too tight and my mind was moving too fast and the walls were getting closer, and I couldn’t breathe or make myself d-do anything. The next day, when Jess said that she didn’t remember what happened, I just went with it. Not to protect Bryce, but because forgetting was the only way I was able to cope with what happened to me. I thought that was the best thing for her. But it wasn’t my right to decide what the best thing for her was. I’ve always been a c-coward, so when everything started hitting the fan, I took Seth’s money and ran.”

A panic attack. That’s what happened to Justin at the party. A PTSD induced panic attack. He’d had a few since coming to live with them. They’d been set off by little things like Clay dropping a glass in the kitchen or Matt moving an arm too fast or Lainie arguing too intensely on the phone about something for work. He would respond the same way every time: he’d freeze, wrap his arms around himself and crouch down to make him as small as he could possibly be, and barely breathe to be as silent as possible. It was almost as if he was trying to trick everyone else in the room into forgetting he was there. Lainie understood the guilt that Justin carried for what happened to Jessica Davis, and she thought it was important that he held himself accountable for the part that he played in it. But she didn’t think the boy was a coward for reacting to his trauma both during and after the event. 

“The first couple weeks I stayed in a motel. I was going to get a job, but apparently no one was looking to hire 16 year old High School dropouts. Between the motel and food and going to the laundromat to wash my clothes, I kind of ran out of money before I realized it. One day I went to pay for the next day in the room, and I realized I only had twenty bucks left. I didn’t really know what to do. I packed my stuff up and found a shelter that let me in, and that was good for a hot meal and somewhere safe to sleep. But the shelter was first come first serve, so if I didn’t get there in time, I’d have to sleep on the streets. I stretched that last twenty dollars as long as I could, and I ended up selling my jacket to one of the guys at the shelter for ten more. But eventually, it was gone and I had nothing.”

Justin was rubbing his hand over the bottom of his face again, and she feared what was going to come out of his mouth next. She had been working with her new firm for several months now, and quite a few of her pro bono cases were homeless teens. She knew the kind of things that desperate kids on the streets did for money. She glanced at Matt. She could tell not being able to talk was killing him. He was always the initial comforter in high stress situations. His brows were scrunched up and he was worrying his lower lip between his teeth. The hand she wasn’t holding still had a death grip on the chair. He knew what was coming too. 

“It was, um, it was one of the weeks that I hadn’t been able to make it into the shelter at all. So I had been out on the streets and hadn’t eaten anything in days. I was sitting on the corner outside of the alley I had been sleeping in, and this older guy came up to me. He, uh, he told me that he thought I was pretty and said that he’d give me a twenty to suck his dick. I told him to fuck off, but then he took the money out and held it in front of me and asked me if I was sure. And I-I did it. I know you probably think I’m disgusting. But I was just so hungry. And it was something that I used to do for Rick all the time, so I made myself believe it wasn’t a big deal.” She could almost physically feel Matt’s resolve break. He let go of her hand and leaned forward, gently gripping Justin’s wrist where it was resting in front of him, catching their son off guard. He had been looking down at the table trying to hide the tears that were still slowly running down his face. 

“I know you asked us not to interrupt, but I need you to know that we don’t think you’re disgusting.” Justin’s face crumpled, and he let out a choked sob. 

“Of course we don’t, honey,” she followed immediately, reaching forward to grab his hand. She saw Clay raise his arm and grip Justin’s shoulder and heard his whisper “See, I told you so.” She felt guilty for forgetting Clay was there. He had been so quiet, which was so unlike her older child, and she had been so focused on Justin. She set herself a mental reminder to ask him how he was dealing with everything later. As she had seen with what happened to Hannah Baker, knowing the trauma of someone you love can be traumatic on its own. They stayed like that, as a family, holding Justin for a few moments while he composed himself. 

“Um, after the first time, I’m not really sure how word got around. If the guy told people, or if someone saw me do it, but more guys started approaching me wanting the same thing. And I had already done it once, so I didn’t see a point in telling them no. I didn’t have to go days without eating anymore. A few weeks after I started doing it, this guy came up to me, and I made the same deal with him I had made with the rest of them. When we got into the alley, he told me that he didn’t want a blowjob, and I asked him why he was wasting my time. He told me that he wanted to f-fuck me, and I told him he was going to have to find someone else because I didn’t do that. I went to walk out of the alley, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I tried to pull away from him, but he was a lot stronger than me. He hit me, hard, and then he turned me around and shoved me against the wall of the alley. The bricks scraped my face. And then he…when he was done, he threw a hundred dollar bill at me and walked away like nothing had happened. I cried in that stupid fucking alley until it got dark.”

Lainie’s heart was breaking. Objectively, she knew the statistics. She knew that children who suffered from sexual abuse were more likely to grow up and engage in what professionals in the field referred to as “risk-taking behavior” (i.e., doing illegal drugs, having a large amount of sexual partners, and engaging in prostitution). She also knew that childhood sexual abuse survivors were more likely to be assaulted again later in life. Justin was a textbook case, and she wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. The fact that her child had endured so much in just seventeen short years was just fucking cruel. The boy in front of her had been forced to grow up way too fast and see firsthand how vile the universe could be. She might not have been his mother then, but she was his mother now and the fact that she couldn’t protect him from that was killing her. 

“I went out and found a dealer the next day. Before I ran away, I had taken a bunch of weed from Bryce. I used it as little as possible and it had lasted me for a while, but I had run out by that point. I hadn’t gone looking for any before that, because I knew I didn’t have enough money to buy weed and eat. But h-he had just given me a hundred bucks, so I figured I could spend some on something that could help me forget. The guy I found told me that the cheapest amount he could sell me was a gram for sixty bucks. Which I know was bullshit, but I wasn’t about to get myself killed arguing with a dealer. So I asked if he had any pills, but they were expensive too. I was getting ready to leave, but he stopped me and told me that he could sell me some heroin super cheap. And I knew what heroin had done to my mom. I knew that it was something that I couldn’t turn back from. I had always told myself that I wouldn’t end up like her. But I needed to be able to forget again. I had to. So I bought it. I-I, um, I tried to not use it as much as I would have smoked weed. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Rick standing over me or I felt that guy’s breath on the back of my neck. So I stayed high most of the time, because that way, I didn’t feel anything. I kept giving blowjobs to anyone who asked, and after a few more guys decided to take m-more than I was offering, I started offer that up front too. At least then I knew when it was coming. That was my life until Clay and Tony found me. I’d probably be dead by now if they hadn’t of brought me back.”

Lainie could imagine it. Someone finding her boy dead in an alleyway either from an overdose or because someone had killed him. He wouldn’t have made the paper or the news. He would have just been another dead homeless teenager. No one would have cared. She and Matt wouldn’t have cared, because Clay would have never snuck him into their house. They wouldn’t have known they needed to care. They would have labeled him as John Doe, and no one in this stupid town would have ever spared a second thought for Justin Foley. She couldn’t stop herself from letting out an audible sob. Matt quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she felt his own tears hit the top of her head. The sudden movement and noise caused Justin to snap his attention from the small burn mark on the table that he had been focusing on while he was talking back up to them. His puffy, tear-filled eyes widened and shifted to Clay before shifting back to their parents. He wiped his eyes and rubbed the bottom half of his face. 

“I, um, I need you both to know that I wanted to stay clean. Especially after you guys offered to adopt me. I didn’t want to let you guys down. I promise. But I couldn’t talk about what all had happened yet, and every time I was sober, all I could feel were hands where they shouldn’t be and breath on the back of my neck. I’m just, I’m so fucking sorry I let you guys down.” Justin was staring at the table again in what Lainie could only assume was shame. Matt stood up and walked over to the other side of the table to crouch down next to their son. 

“We’re sorry that _we_ let you down, Justin,” He said gently. Justin’s head snapped up to look at him in confusion. “We missed how much you were struggling. It’s our job as the parents to make sure you are safe, happy and healthy, and we failed you, son. I am so sorry that happened to you. And I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with it all alone. But you’re not alone anymore. We love you, and this doesn’t change that.” Lainie always knew the right thing to say in court or at parent teacher conferences or when she was disciplining the kids. But Matt had a way with finding the right words to comfort people in a way she always struggled with. When Clay was little and Matt was still clinging on to his youthful days as a hippie (Lainie’s assessment, not his own) he used to jokingly say to her, “Heart will get you a hell of a lot further than facts with him, my love” and she would roll her eyes and laugh. But he had always been right. She stood up and walked over to stand next to Matt. 

“We’re with you. For every step of the way. We’re going to get you in a rehab program, and we’re going to get you a therapist. And anything else you need, you let us know, and we’ll make it happen. We love you, honey.” She didn’t mention yet that she was also going to get him an appointment with a doctor to make sure he didn’t have any STDs. She figured they had already had enough hard conversations for the day and that maybe that wasn’t a conversation the whole family needed to be a part of. Justin gave them a small watery smile. 

“I love you guys, too. Can I – can I go to my room? I’m tired.” He and Clay both got up from their chairs, and she figured that after the heavy food from dinner and the heavy conversation that followed, they could all use some sleep. Matt’s knees popped as he fully stood back up. 

“Yeah, go get some rest, honey. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” The boys turned to head out the back door, but Matt stopped them before they left the dining room. 

“Justin, I know you may not believe me, but what happened to you was not your fault. Those men, not just Rick, but all of them, took advantage of a vulnerable child. None of them should have ever laid a hand on you, and it’s not your fault that they did. It’s theirs.” Justin wasn’t the biggest hugger when it came to Matt and Lainie, which she had always attributed to the lack of caring adults in his life up until he met them but now realized probably had darker roots, but he slowly made his way back over to them and wrapped his arms tight around Matt. Matt quickly wrapped one arm around Justin’s shoulders and rested the other one on the back of Justin’s head. Justin held on to him for a few minutes.

“Thank you for saying that,” he mumbled into Matt’s shoulder. Then he pulled back and wrapped Lainie in her own hug. She stroked his hair and placed a kiss on the side of his head. “Thank you for saving my life,” he said quietly, and Lainie had to stop herself from crying again. He pulled away and headed out the back door with Clay trailing after him, telling him how great he did. 

Matt walked into the living room and let himself fall into his chair. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands, letting out a heavy sigh. She made her way over to him, sat on the arm of the chair and started running her hand over Matt’s shoulders.

“I wanted to call Social Services on him when we first found out about the drugs, and we fought that night. Remember?” She remembered. It was the first time she had seen Matt truly get angry in their nearly 25 years together. He usually let her fight at him when they had a disagreement. He would stand or sit there, listening, piping up when necessary, but otherwise staying annoyingly silent while she strategically went through all of the reasons he was wrong until he said something either agreeing with her or ending the argument proving that he was right. He had somehow always been able to out-lawyer her. But he had been angry that night. “I wanted to call Social Services and let him be someone else’s problem. I stood in the kitchen and said that I wasn’t going to let another parent’s kid ruin our family. And what would have happened to him if they didn’t need his testimony and you would have let me? He would have ended up back with Amber and her boyfriend that beat the shit out of him all the time. Or with a foster family that hurt him. Or back on the streets getting raped in fucking alleys just so he didn’t starve to death, thinking it was ok because it was something he had already done before. How can I claim to be his father and claim to love him when I wanted to send him right back there?”

It had never been her plan to keep Justin either. She had wanted him to stay for selfish reasons, just like Clay. She never expected to fall in love with the boy who needed her help so much and was painfully polite and thankful no matter how long it took her to make it right for him. His testimony was needed, and she thought she would lose her job if she didn’t make sure it happened. So she had agreed to let him stay. Matt wanting to call Social Services honestly made him the least selfish of all of them. Justin was a runaway kid they barely knew with a junkie mom whose boyfriend Justin implied abused him. The rational thing to do would have been to call Social Services. But now that they knew him and loved him, it seemed like such a harsh suggestion. 

“You didn’t say that to be malicious or with the intention on Justin getting hurt. It was a stressful, unexpected situation and you reacted accordingly. We can’t beat ourselves up over the mistakes we’ve made. The important thing is that we finally know what kind of help we need to get him, and we’re going to be there for him through it all. It’s going to take a lot of work, but I think we’re all going to be ok.” She ran her fingers gently through his hair, and he looked up at her with his brow furrowed. 

“How are we going to be ok? I know that we’re going to take care of Justin. He’s a strong kid, and he’ll get through this. But how are _we_ going to be ok? How do we deal with knowing that there are men out there who have touched our kid, hurt him, but not knowing who they are or how to find them? I want to kill them, Lainie. That man who thought it was ok to crawl into bed with a five year old and every man who saw a desperate teenager on the streets and thought it was ok to lay a hand on him. I want them to pay for what they did.” Lainie stood up and grabbed Matt’s hand to pull him up as well. She rested her hand on his cheek, and he turned his head slightly to plant a kiss on her palm. 

“I want them to pay, too. And maybe we’ll be able to make that happen someday, but right now, we can only focus on taking care of our family. That’s how we’re going to be ok. Let’s go to bed, and we can figure out where we go from here in the morning.”

Neither one of them slept that night. Matt tossed and turned all night long, while she made mental checklists of the appointments she needed to make Justin. She made a separate note to add getting Clay in to see a therapist. It’s been a hell of a year for him, too. She needed structure and timelines so that she could make sure no balls were dropped. She was mentally floundering, because this was never something she could have prepared for. But she would be damned if she let her kid down again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter of "This was supposed to be a oneshot, but I don't know when to stop." Thank you all so much for the kudos and the comments. I am blown away by the response this story has received. I hope you guys like this next (and hopefully last) installment. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine

Zach didn’t know how he got away with beating Bryce Walker so badly that it was easy enough for Alex Standall of all people to kill him. The part that he played wasn’t involved in the cover up, because he had already confessed. He literally told the Sheriff and Mr. Standall that he beat a guy near to death, and their response was “That’s just assault and battery. You can go home.” As far as he knew, assault and battery was still a crime, and he confessed to it. But who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? 

So Zach moved on. What else could he do? He talked to coach and started working with the team again. Not as captain, because he didn’t think he was in a position to lead anyone. But he helped coach with plays and helped keep morale up and rah-rahed from the fucking bench. After Christmas break, he got with Coach Patrick about doing the same for the basketball team. And then he went home at night and fell asleep thinking about how Bryce might have ruined his future, but Zach helped end his. Thinking about what he did was a weird juxtaposition for Zach. He didn’t understand how it was possible to both be filled with guilt about what he did and not be sad that Bryce was dead. He talked about it with Alex a lot. Mostly to make sure that Alex was actually talking about his feelings and not planning to try to kill himself again. 

Zach was trying to use what he had dubbed his second chance to be a better friend. He spent more time with Alex, and helped Jess with HO events. He started sending more time with Clay to make up for the whole “almost letting him take the rap for something he had no part of” thing. He even hung out with Tyler a few times to make up for kind of being a dick to him. The only person he was struggling with was Justin. 

The thing was, Justin made Zach feel like the worst friend on the planet. It wasn’t Justin’s fault per say. It was just that over the last couple of months, Zach had been smacked in the face with how he failed as a best friend, and he didn’t really know how to fix it. There were so many what ifs floating around the boy. What if Zach wouldn’t have ignored Justin’s call before he ran away? What if he would have went looking for him once he left instead of waiting for Clay and Tony to drag him back? What if he would have let Justin fail his drug tests so that he could have gotten help sooner? What if Zach would have had the balls to check on Justin after the assembly with more than a “hey, you ok, man?” A real best friend would have asked if he wanted to talk about it. But Zach was almost positive that whatever happened to Justin happened when he was living on the streets, and he didn’t want Justin to confirm that and add to the guilt he already felt for not caring enough when the other boy ran away in the first place. 

So Zach was a bad friend. He told Alex as much one day after physical therapy, and the other boy scoffed. 

“Trust me, Zach. Out of our fucked up group of friends, you’re not the bad one. I mean, before I decided to…you know… I was going to let Clay go to jail in my place. I’m pretty positive that makes me the bad friend. And Justin slept with my girlfriend. And Jess cheated on me. And Tyler was going to shoot up the fucking school. And Clay literally accused all of us of murder at some point. And Tony….well, Tony’s a good friend. But the rest of us are kind of the fucking worst, so I think you’re alright.” Zach gently nudged Alex in the shoulder and let out a small laugh.

“Jesus, when you lay it all out like that, we sound like a fucking soap opera.” Alex took a swig from his water bottle and gave Zach a serious look. 

“Well, these are the Days of Our Lives, Zachary.” They stared at each other for a few seconds before breaking into laughter. 

“You’re so fucking lame, dude.” They were quiet for a few minutes as they walked to the car before Alex sighed like he was about to say something difficult.

“Look, I know that Justin and I have had our issues, but he’s my friend too. And I think we all kind of did a piss poor job of helping him when he came back. In our defense, we kind of all had a lot of shit going on. But he’s doing better now. I know because Clay never shuts the fuck up about it. He finished his program over Christmas break, and he’s clean now and seeing a therapist and going to NA meetings and playing basketball again. So just try to put all your guilt and shit aside and be his friend again. Justin is kind of used to people treating him like shit, so I’m sure he’ll forgive you. If he’s even mad at you to begin with. Which he probably isn’t.”

Alex had a point. Justin was never one to harp on mistreatment from others. It was almost like he expected it, and knowing what Zach knew about his home life pre-Jensens, it wasn’t surprising. He took Alex’s advice and made his way over to Justin’s with a smile that begged for forgiveness and a “hey, man, sorry I haven’t been around much.” Justin just gave him one of his full watt grins and asked him if he wanted to play Xbox. And that was it. They were best friends again without Zach having to lay out his fuckups. But the things you swept under the rug always had a way of finding their way back out. 

It was just a basketball game. 

It was an away game at Oakland High. It was pretty early in the season, and they had been undefeated so far. Coach Patrick had let Zach give the pre-game speech in the locker room to get everyone pumped. It was going to be an easy win. He nudged Justin’s shoulder as they walked out onto the court, and Justin nudged him back with a smile. Then he turned and waved to the Jensen’s in the bleachers. They never missed a game, and Zach knew that meant more to Justin than he would ever admit out loud. They scored the first goal almost immediately after tipoff, and ended the first half 48-12. And then it happened. As they walked off the court for halftime, Justin glanced over at the other team gathering around their coach, and he froze. 

It was just for a moment. Zach wouldn’t have even noticed if Justin hadn’t been walking in front of him. He couldn’t tell who it was that caught Justin’s attention, but he smaller boy took a small step back, almost running into Zach and ran a shaky hand over the bottom half of his face. Then he bolted past the entrance to the locker rooms and out the side door. Zach looked back over at the other team again before following him out the door. He found Justin crouched against the side of the gym with his head between his knees trying to regulate his breathing. 

“Hey, dude, are you ok?” Justin flinched at the sound of his voice, and then slowly lifted his head. He was crying. Zach saw the lie starting to form on his lips, but Justin let out a sigh and let himself uncurl enough to sit against the wall. 

“No, I’m really not,” he said softly. Zach walked over and sat down next to him. 

“You wanna talk about it? You seemed fine earlier.” Justin was quiet for a few minutes, and Zach almost thought he was going to tell him to forget about it and go back inside. He wouldn’t blame him. Zach didn’t exactly have the best track record recently for listening to Justin’s problems. But Justin took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“There’s a guy in the bleachers sitting right behind the coach. Bald, probably like early 40s, wearing a navy blazer. He was giving one of the players on the other team a thumbs up. I guess that’s his kid. And then he turned and laughed at something the woman next to him said. Like he doesn’t have a fucking care in the world,” Justin paused for a moment to rub at his eyes again, and Zach was wracking his brain trying to think of why the few seconds of this guy’s life he witnessed had upset Justin so much. “His name’s Kyle. At least that’s what he told me to call him. He said he wanted to hear me say his name. Wanted me to beg him. And I did. I fucking begged him.” Realization hit Zach like a damn brick to the face. 

“He raped you,” Zach said, barely above a whisper. Justin let his head fall back against the brick wall. 

“Yeah, he raped me.” Justin’s voice cracked on the r word, and Zach wondered how many times he had actually said it out loud in relation to himself. Zach clenched his fists and started to move to stand up, but Justin’s had shot out and gripped his forearm. “Dude, don’t.”

“I’m going to fucking kill that guy,” Zach gritted through his teeth, and his stomach rolled when he suddenly thought about how close he had come to killing someone before. Justin sighed, and Zach relaxed back against the wall. 

“No you’re not. You’re just going to cause a scene in front of a few hundred people, and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t. Besides if you go in there guns a blazing talking about what he did, my dad will actually kill him. And Clay’s gonna get all pissy if we have to start visiting him in jail.” Justin let out a humorless laugh, and Zach gave him an incredulous look. Was he seriously trying to turn this into a joke?

“Ok, fine. But we can’t just do nothing. You need to report him or something.” Zach started to pull his phone out so that he could text Alex and ask if his dad’s jurisdiction covered Oakland. 

“Actually, I can do nothing, and that’s what I’m going to do.” Zach’s head snapped up and his eyes bore into the side of Justin’s head. 

“Dude, what the fuck?! You can’t just let him get away with it.” Justin shook his head and ran his left hand through his hair.

“He’s going to get away with it whether I report him or not. I’ve been in a good place lately, you know, not counting tonight. I don’t want to fuck that up.” Zach shoved his phone back in his pocket and turned his body more towards Justin. 

“How do you know he’s going to get away with it? Do you think that because you’re a guy they won’t take you seriously? They took Tyler seriously. I’m sure the cops will take an adult raping a teenage boy pretty seriously,” Zach said gently. Justin let out another harsh laugh. 

“Yeah, but they’re not going to give a shit about an adult raping a teenage prostitute.” Zach suddenly felt like he had swallowed cement.

“What?” He asked barely above a whisper. Justin pulled his knees closer to his body and coiled his arms tightly around them. 

“When I was on the streets and ran out of money for food, I, um, I sucked guys off for money. But, uh, some guys, guys like Kyle, wanted more than what I was offering and just t-took it. It’s why I started using. As a way to like cope or whatever.” Zach felt like he was going to vomit and cry all at the same time. Zach spent five months ignoring the fact that his best friend ran away, while Justin spent five months getting violated so that he wouldn’t starve to death. Alex was wrong. Zach was the worst of them all. But he wasn’t going to give up on Justin again. He scooted closer to Justin and wrapped an arm around the other boy’s shoulders, pulling him as close as he could. 

“I’m sorry that happened, and I’m sorry I didn’t come looking for you. I know I’ve been a shit friend for a while now, but I’m here for you, man. If you change your mind about reporting him, I’ll be right there with you, but if you want me to let it go for now, I will.” Justin turned and shot him a small smile. 

“Thanks. I, um, can’t go back in there. Can you get my parents and tell them I’ll be at their car and come up with a lie to tell Coach? I’m sure halftime’s almost over, and he’s got to be looking for us.” Zach squeezed Justin’s shoulder and pulled him into a weird sitting half hug before standing up. 

“I got you, dude.” Justin smiled at him again before standing up himself and heading to the parking lot. 

Zach found the Jensen’s in the bleachers first and told them that Justin wasn’t feeling well and was waiting for them at the car. Mr. and Mrs. Jensen immediately gathered their stuff and started heading out of the gym while muttering to each other about whether or not Justin seemed sick before he left for the game. But Clay shot him a skeptical look and followed him to the locker room to get Justin’s bag. 

“He’s not sick, is he? I saw him freeze on the court and then run out the building when you guys were leaving for halftime. I was going to follow him, but you did so I figured he’d be alright. Which he obviously isn’t since he’s not finishing the game.” Clay could be a perceptive little shit sometimes and was like a dog with a bone all the time, so Zach didn’t see a point in lying to him. 

“No, he’s not sick. But I think he’s going to be ok. He’s stronger than we give him credit for.” Clay nodded his head and gave Zach a searching look before entering the locker room to get Justin’s bag. Zach followed and told Coach Patrick that Justin was throwing up and his parents had to take him home. 

The second half of the game, Zach couldn’t tear his eyes away from the guy in the navy blazer. He was joking and laughing with all the other parents around him the whole time. They all thought he was hilarious. Zach bet they wouldn’t find him so funny after they knew what he had done. But Zach told Justin he’d let it go. When number 34 on the other team made a goal, he stood up and proudly proclaimed “That’s my boy!” The last name on number 34’s jersey was Watkins. Kyle Watkins. 

Zach went home that night and searched Kyle Watkins on facebook. There were four who had their city listed as Oakland, California. The first looked like he was in college, and the second looked like someone’s grandfather. But the third was blazer guy. He had a pretty blond wife and three perfect blonde children, the oldest of which was number 34. According to his profile, he was some hotshot executive at a tech company. Zach googled the company and found their phone number. And if the next morning before school, he called from a payphone and asked to talk to their HR department, and then anonymously reported that their Chief Executive Marketing Officer raped teenage boys and that he wasn’t afraid to tell the public that their company was content with employing rapists, well, Justin never had to know about that.

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop a comment and let me know what you thought!


End file.
